Tonight I am speaking at the London Universities Ball, which has been arranged with consummate skill and huge organisational ability by Arleen.

I am the after dinner speaker.

Asking me to fulfil this role may be the only mistake Arleen has made in organising this huge event.

My mistake will have been in accepting. Why will a hall full of students, who will have heavily partaken of the pre-dinner drinks and free wine on the table, want to listen to me when they have finished a delicious dinner?

Boris is doing the pre-dinner drinks. They will have had Boris, then me.

Who was the guy who became Elizabeth Taylor’s husband after Richard Burton? I now know how he felt on his wedding night.