The Blog of
Nadine Dorries
Black Dog.
Posted Monday, 12 March 2007 at 09:46

My youngest has three proud lines in a very grown up play. I once asked her teacher if he thought she would get to Oxford. My heart soared when he said yes, my mind racing ahead filled with the images of bicycles, mortar boards, gowns and balls - and then crashed when he said - on the train; so to see her excel in, and enjoy English, especially Shakespeare, makes me feel just a tad smug.

I have never really got on very well with teachers.

The following is a true story told exactly as it happened.

I spent half of my school life standing outside the deputy head’s office door. Mr Cram, are you reading this, you were wrong.

It’s an authority thing.

Things didn’t get any better when I started at my school of nursing.

Another nurse Frances and I were told to report to Matron’s office, no I am not going to say why, but it really was not my fault.

Matron’s office was huge and severe. Being summoned to it was a sight more scary than being summoned to Mr Cram’s. Matron had a black Scottie dog called Blackie and he possessed the worst terrier characteristics.

Blackie slept concealed from view in a basket under Matron’s desk.

I got to know Blackie when I was on nights. One of my jobs was to put the report regarding the night’s admissions on Matron’s desk first thing in the morning ready for her to read when she got back from breakfast. Blackie was always there under the desk. He fiercely snarled and growled without pausing for breath the whole time I was in the room. I couldn’t see him, but he could smell me.

Every morning was the same. I used to step into the room slowly, tip toe halfway across and then leg it, throw the report down onto Matron’s desk, not stopping to see where it landed, and run out slamming the door behind me as I went.

I once tried to make friends with Blackie. I ventured to the other side of the big oak desk with a bit of chocolate in my hand - it was the one and only time I tried. I think he had been deprived of food in the past and fed a nurse as a snack. 

Anyway Frances and I quivered outside Matron’s office door waiting to be called in. We had to go in separately. Frances was a coward, she pushed me in first. I got my telling off from Matron with Blackie on harmonies.

I left the office, held the door open for Frances and went into the staff toilets to wait as pre arranged. I sat in the sink and lit a post roasting cigarette, glad that the worst was over. Pleased that the technique of remaining as cool as a cucumber , developed, tried and tested on Mr Cram over the years (until he retired due to bad nerves), still worked.

Minutes later the toilet door burst open, Frances flew in and went straight onto one of the toilets to relieve herself without even stopping to close the cubicle door behind her. I sat in the sink, open mouthed and with an element of surprised shock said ‘flipping heck, what did she say?’ I knew I had slightly more resilience to a telling off than Frances, who was from Widnes and about to marry a pigeon fancier, however, she was genuinely disturbed.

’It was awful’ said Frances, trembling. She had obviously only just made it to the loo in the nick of time – ‘I have never been so scared in all of my life’ she said. ‘Matron growled and snarled at me the whole time and made these funny noises in her throat without even opening her mouth, oh God Nadine, I couldn’t get out of there fast enough, do you think Matron is possessed?’

Frances hadn’t yet done her night stint and knew nothing of Blackie.

I laughed so much I couldn’t get out of the sink!

 
 
 
Anonymous said:
Responded: Monday, 12 March 2007
You are absolutely fu**ing wonderful Nadine Dorries - will you have my babies ? We need more people like you in the world !
 
 
Sally said:
Responded: Monday, 12 March 2007
Has this blog got anything to do with the fact that you were mentioned in yesterdays black dog in ther Mail on Sunday or is it just a coincidence? Bloody clever anyway!
 
 
Anonymous said:
Responded: Monday, 12 March 2007
Has Jack Straw started emailing now.
 
 
Lilly said:
Responded: Tuesday, 13 March 2007
Thank you for the lovely story - I have sent it on!
 
 
goldenarm said:
Responded: Tuesday, 13 March 2007
Nadine, have you noticed that there is an article about you and abortion time limites on the newstatesman site - it's on http://www.newstatesman.com/200703130003. Can you go there and comment because it would be a shame for them to get away with it with nothing being said about your argument
 
 
Nadine said:
Responded: Tuesday, 13 March 2007
To goldenarm; I just dont have time to today but will in the morning - promise
 
 
 
Contact Nadine
Nadine Dorries MP
House of Commons
London SW1A 0AA
via e-mail at: nadine.dorries.mp@parliament.uk
or Telephone on 020 7219 5928

 
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